Day 4: Sequel Select

We have a few new companions in the jury room, which brings the number up to seven. It's becoming apparent how small this little room is going to get, though everyone is pleasant enough. I was informed that the giant hole that you see from the window is actually going to be a luxury hotel. Exactly who would want to stay there is beyond me, but maybe by the time we're sequestered, the hotel will be finished.

Selection continues, and the judge seems to have heard all the excuses. Someone told me to say I belong to the National Rifle Association. It doesn't work, though that was probably the most intelligent excuse presented today. One fellow said that his entire two weeks would be consumed celebrating the holiday of Succot, and another said that Catholic doctrine forbids the death penalty (tell that to Torquemada).

All through the excuses the judge rolled his eyes in quiet exasperation. When the judge's eyes were tired, the court reporter rolled hers. Highlight: a Roy Orbison look-alike said that he became a crime victim when a bunch of young people burned his door.

The senior citizens seem to have as little use for this as I do. I had always thought that little old people would make willing and ideal jurors. I was shocked to find that they have the same common sense as everyone else. There was an old woman who bumped ponderously up to the stand on a cane. When she was excused, she skipped out of the room with a smirk on her face. A 70-year old man with a PhD said he had "just realized" how much crime there is, and would certainly try to send the defendant to prison.

This gentleman was trying to get off jury duty, but actually, he did have a point. Almost everyone interviewed was involved in some form of crime and/or punishment, with every possible combination. There was an endless parade of murderers, victims, policemen and racketeers, all within the same families or circles of friends. Crime and punishment is a booming business. It's recession-proof as well, since the worse things get, the more people turn to crime. If Murder, Inc. ever floats an IPO, consider making a sizeable investment.